Money

Anyone who knows me fairly well knows that I kind of hate money.

Exchanging money for services; I find nothing wrong with that. I purchase groceries, clothes, books, technology, all without much of an issue. I wish a lot of it cost LESS money, but, who doesn't?

What I dislike about money is it being so... valuable. What I hate about money is what Chuck Palahniuk put so well and what the entire plot of Fight Club boils down to: "You're not how much money you've got in the bank. You're not your job."

So, why am I how much money I have in the bank? Why am I my job? Why does every person I know determine at least a portion of their personality based on their financial status? Me? Technically, and financially, I'm a failure. Three jobs and still living paycheck-to-paycheck. And, I say that like I'm actually living. Bills aren't being paid. I can make the rent, eventually, but my health insurance has been canceled twice and my car insurance once, because, well, gosh-darnit, I can't pay the bills. My car breaks down, and I can't get to 2 of my 3 jobs.

And, that's not who I am. Not really caring about finances, that's who I am. On my laundry list of things wrong with American society these days is the need to work so hard that you aren't living anymore. Your job becomes you life and, whoops! There go your friends. There goes your weeknight. Your weekend. Date night. Your girlfriend. But you have to do it because you need your job, and the bills need to get paid.

I have been extremely lucky, in that I am, for the most part, doing what I love. The pay is par, leaning on sub-par. Once I do my taxes, I will owe the government hundreds, likely, thousands, from working 1099 for a year. Goodbye refund and hello more debt. I get crucified in the right crowd for not caring more. My credit score is going down. I'll have trouble getting a car, a house. I should get as many jobs as I can to get the bills paid. "If I were you, I would work at McDonalds if it meant I could pay off my credit card."

Well, I wouldn't. Call me Tyler Durden. As much as I love that the financial world judges me based on a three-digit number, I really don't. So far, in my attempts to minimize debt over the past few years, I have been met with, "you're poor, but not poor enough." We're very picky. You aren't eligible for assistance unless you're living in a box on the street corner. Can I postpone this month's student loan payment? "How about we just add it on to next month. You will owe us $150 on the first of March." Oh, thanks. Maybe I can pull the money magically out of my butt before then.

For some people, generally those who have money, their money develops into who they are. In my experience, someone with money has a hard time dating someone without money. There is a lack of understanding. Why don't you have money? I have plenty of it. It's easy! If I didn't have to pay for college, and didn't have two sisters in college, and was content to do anything my boss told me in order to keep my job, sure, it would be easy. I'd be complacent, but I'd be able to afford a new car every five years.

Not to generalize. I know people who have money who hate it. Who are responsible, understanding, and, generally, had to work to get the money they have. Even my own sister worked a crap job at the beach all summer to afford a trip to Australia. Whereas I have to break the bank to replace my only pair of jeans.

Back to the moral of the story. You would think that the nation would know by now that our system of finances has left us up shit creek with a paddle made of soggy toilet paper. Judge me all you want by my miserable credit score, but I would rather end my life tomorrow than spend my life worried about work, money, finances, and the godforsaken government.


This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.